Your Wednesday Limerick: Liz Bennett Limerick

Liz. Bennett, a poor English beauty,
Despised Mr. Darcy as snooty.
These opinions unfair,
Were improved. Now they share
Extra sugar whenever they brew tea.

Wednesday Limerick: Giving Birth to a Minotaur

When a horny queen chooses to marry a bull

The offspring are often uncarriable. 

Since above the boy half

Juts the head of a calf,

Minor tears & many tears are invariable.

Two Seers on a Pier

Two seers on a pier by the sea
Said let us peer to foresee what will be.
It appears, said one peer,
Though your future is clear,
Now and here, it stills sears when you pee.

If The Press Secretary Should Yawn

If the Press Secretary should yawn
As news correspondents look on,
They should weigh before judging
That when facts need fudging
She's up in the crack of Don.

A Ladder to the Former

A sinner in Hell built a ladder,
High enough to complain to his Former.
 Said the former to the latter,
“I could have been badder.”
“Well, Hell,” said his Former, “could be warmer!”

Love-Bots for All Kinds

They make love-bots now in both sexes,
Fleshed in lifelike and lukewarm latexes.
For gender outliers,
One kit comes with pliers
And modular halves, so it flexes!

Your Wednesday Limerick: You Can't Spell Brain Without AI

My android’s manufacturer claims

He's so smart: he kicks ass and takes names!

But if so, I must ask:

Why won’t he try some task

Not involving my video games?

Your Wednesday Limerick: The Lips of Two Lepers

The lips of two lepers who pecked,
Fell off of their mouths and were wrecked.
When they French-kissed instead,
They both lost their heads,
And so, from then on, they just necked.

Your Wednesday Limerick: Embrace the Truth

The two models couldn't agree

Whose beauty had come naturally.

Said the second-best grinner,

"We both know I’m the winner,”

“Since I've questioned your ortho doc, see?”

Your Wednesday Limerick: Two Gross

The merchant said, "What could be better,
"Than a kitten-and-cotton-knit sweater?"
In reply to "Too gross!"
Said, "I'll try to get close.
"Mack, put 300 cats in the shredder."

Your Wednesday Limerick: A Stingy, Non-drink-sharing Louse

The drunk said, it's true I'm a souse,

And a stingy, non-drink-sharing louse.

But if all of my tears

Could be made into beers

I'd have purchased a round for the house.